A Letter To My Dad About Being Black
The more things appear to change, the more they stay the same.
I’ve written about how my dad’s death in 2017 changed me as a person. I find myself sitting here on Father’s Day, thinking about my dad again. I’m also looking at Twitter becoming a war zone of people arguing if single moms should celebrate Father’s Day. I was hoping Twitter wouldn’t be Twitter and I wouldn’t be missing my dad as much. However, I’m missing my dad and struggling with the fact that people don’t understand that Black Lives Matter. This is a letter to my dad about being Black.
Dear Dad,
The world is in the midst of a pandemic known as COVID-19. An orange man child with a bad combover leads this country. Due to said pandemic, no sports are going on, no movie releases, and no conventions are taking place. There’s nothing to distract and distance people from reality that cops and racist white people are still killing Black people like it’s a game of Deer Hunter.
You would be 90 years old if you were still alive. The same age as Martin Luther King Jr. if he were still alive. This is interesting because, in 2020, the world is facing the same issues that you faced as a young Black man growing up in Brunswick, Georgia.
Until recently, I couldn’t figure out why Ahmaud Arbery’s murder didn’t sit right with me. Part of my soul resides in that city because that’s where you grew up and became who you are.It’s where you could have easily been Arbery, except there wouldn’t be any cell phone footage to prove that you were hunted and gunned down for no reason.
People want to believe the Civil Rights Movement was a short event that brought forth sweeping change and isn’t still going on to this day. Some individuals believe that the Ku Klux Klan is some form of long-forgotten terror. Both the Civil Rights Movement and The Klan are present things that still exist today. You used to say “because tomorrow exists, change is coming.” A change is indeed coming. It’s just taking a while to get here. We’re all looking at a clock, trying to figure out what time is and how close we really are to a new day.
Allow me to show you how Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Abery, and George Floyd are painful reminders of events that are a lot more recent than you think and are relatable to things that you witnessed during your prime. In order for change to finally happen, there has to be a catalyst, these three individuals are likely just that.
Let’s start with Ahmaud Arbery, who was gun downed while on afternoon run this February. Almost four months went by without a single peep until a video of the incident circulated through social media. The two craven weaklings who murdered him were arrested at the end of May. I mentioned before Dad, about how you could have been Ahmaud. I remember the stories you told me about the Klan looking for people and those people never being seen again. Watching that video brings your words to life in a way I wish they never did. Ahmaud can easily draw comparisons to Emmett Till and Trayvon Martin. The Emmett Till comparison is less about the act that led to the death — running vs. allegedly flirting with a white woman — but moreso a mob mentality. Till was kidnapped, beaten, shot, and tossed into the water as if he was the leftover remains from a butchered farm animal all because he didn’t have the right to whistle at a white woman. Ahmaud was shot in cold blood in the middle of the day, left for dead, and called a “fucking nigger” And all because he looked like he didn’t belong in the neighborhood and didn’t have the right to go for an afternoon jog.
Here’s something that I know bothered you Dad, Trayvon Martin was shot by George Zimmerman simply because he walked to the store to get some snacks and looked suspicious. I remember you being upset after hearing about it and looking at my nephew and me with a look of concern and worry after Zimmerman beat the case against him. Like Ahmaud, Trayvon was killed for being Black and doing something that I and countless other Black women and men have done and continue to do regularly. That’s the mob mentality of we don’t belong and don’t have basic rights. If Ahmaud’s murder is meant to bring us closer to tomorrow and change then it’s 11:00 p.m. Tomorrow is right around the horizon.
A cop kneeled on George Floyd’s neck for eight minutes and forty-six seconds and murdered him because Floyd allegedly used counterfeit money. Eight minutes and forty-six seconds. According to Runners World, an average person runs a mile in anywhere from 9–10 minutes. I’ve run countless miles before Dad. Those 9–10 minutes seem way longer than what they actually are. Having someone kneel on you has to make it seem like time is stopped. Floyd’s last words were him saying that he couldn’t breathe followed by calling out to his dead mother. Floyd knew death was imminent. “I can’t breathe” may ring a bell because Eric Garner said those very same words with some of his last breaths.
Garner was choked to death by an NYPD officer for selling cigarettes, loosies to be exact. Eric Garner was six years ago. I can provide you with something that will resonate with you a bit more Dad. Just look no further than what happened after the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr.MLK was killed in April of 1968, you were in your late 30s so you were fully aware of everything going on. By no means am I comparing George Floyd to MLK in any shape, form, or fashion. That said, after both men were murdered, the country proceeded to turn shit upside down for weeks on end and potentially months on end. The period that followed King’s murder lead to many protests and riots in which some cases led to the National Guard being brought in and tear-gassing U.S. Citizens.
Sound familiar? Of course, it does, Dad. If you’ve been looking down and watching things going on here, you would have seen the same thing that those of us here have seen: police in full riot gear firing tear gas at peaceful protesters and assaulting them for no reason other than the fact that they can. While ‘to protect and serve’ is often quoted as the motto of police, what was never made clear is who they’re protecting and serving. Floyd’s murder has lead to damn near every company coming out and saying that they support Black Lives Matter, streets have been renamed and painted. White people are aware of Juneteenth and some companies have made it a holiday. Much like change came after MLK was murdered, we’re beginning to see the signs of change, but tomorrow still isn’t here yet. The clock just reads 11:45 p.m.
Before I let you go, Dad, I want to talk about one last person. Her name is Breonna Taylor, a young Black woman gunned down in her damn apartment while she was sleeping. Breonna was shot eight times by Louisville Metro Police, who were allegedly executing a no-knock warrant. The fucked up part, Dad, is they already had the suspect in custody. Breonna’s boyfriend was arrested and charged with the attempted murder of a police officer. What happened to the cops? Well, Dad, they were placed on administrative leave, one has been fired, but none have been arrested despite pleas and outcry around the country. I know that before I made comparisons to things that happened during your lifetime to help you see how things are a fucked up version of Groundhog Day.
Guess what? It’s Groundhog Day again, but this time there’s no comparison to make. You know why? History is a lie. History has always been determined by either the winner or who was left standing with the pen. Think about how the police have murdered so many Black women over the years that we’ve never heard about. Think about the Black women that have been on the front line of revolutions and political changes that nobody knows about. Think about every time someone comments on a Black person murdered by police there’s rarely a mention of Black women.
What if that was your daughter? Granddaughter? Niece? Sister? You’d take that same fight and rage you had as a twelve-year-old kid next to his grandpa shooting back at The Klan to protect your house, and you made sure that their name was never forgotten. You’d make sure that we know who they were; that they wouldn’t be another silent victim or martyr at best. That’s Breonna Taylor, Dad. She’s the change that you’ve always mentioned when you say tomorrow is coming. Right? There’s not a comparison for me to make to Breonna Taylor because hopefully there will be no more Breonna Taylors and no more forgotten Black women.
The clock reads 11:59 p.m. Tomorrow might not be here just yet, but dammit, it’s coming and seems closer than ever.
Jacob DeLawrence is a wizard with words. Follow him on Twitter, @_jdela.
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